Moore's Southlawn Chapel

Death at any time is a tragedy. A sudden, unexpected death can hurt all the way to the core. You expect the funeral home to help with the multitude of different things that have to be done when planning a funeral. The pain when a vital aspect of that funeral does not happen is like cutting off a limb without anesthetic. That is exactly what Moore’s Funeral Home – Southlawn, Tulsa, OK, did with my stepfather’s funeral.

Our funeral director was Angela Johnson. The family met her in her office at Moore’s Southlawn. The funeral had been prepaid, so most things were already handled. Angela Johnson promised my mother that she would take care of everything. That was not the case.

My stepfather couldn’t locate his discharge paperwork from the OK National Guard for many years but provided Moore’s with his service number, which started with NG. That is a clue that I am sure Ms. Johnson did not pick up on. If she had called the OK National Guard, they could have located the records without an issue.

I sent her the eulogy to go on the back of the program. I received an email saying she received it and asking if we had heard from Rep. Herns’ office about the DD214, to which I replied no. That was the only email I received from her before the service. When we arrived for the viewing, it was apparent that she hadn’t proofread the document I sent as there was a comma, not a period, at the end that had to be corrected. This was a day before the service, and we never saw Angela, nor were we informed there was a problem with getting military honors.

When we arrived around 1315 hours, and the service began at 1400, I walked into the chapel and heard Angela talking with the minister, saying there would be no military honors. I asked her about this, and she confirmed it. At this point, I informed my mother. I made a phone call to Mr. Herns’ office. During the 45 minutes before the service, I spoke with Angela, and she stated she tried the VFW and called Kevin Herns’ office. I called Mr. Herns’ office a few days later, and there was no record of her calling on the log. And while Ms. Johnson did contact the VFW, it was too late since they already had a service scheduled for Friday. We should have been told there would be no honors prior to 45 minutes before the service. My mother was insulted by having a flag that meant nothing handed to her by Ms. Johnson. She felt betrayed as the promise to take care of everything didn’t happen. If I had been told, I could have contacted my biological father’s VFW post and probably gotten a team to come out. There lies the issue. Lack of COMMUNICATION!

I emailed Ms. Johnson asking who she spoke with in the Army about honors. She couldn’t give me a name even after a week. I talked to Mr. Joe Moore, who told me she tried hard to get the honors. He stated that federal law says you must have the DD214, which is not true. It states the DD214 or other confirmable evidence, which Ms. Johnson never asked for. She and Mr. Moore were and still are laser-locked on the DD214.

I called the Casualty Assistance Office at Ft. Sill and spoke with the person on duty. He told me there was nothing in the log about anyone asking for honors for my stepfather and that general inquiries that don’t involve names are not logged. That means Ms. Johnson did not give them my stepfather’s name at any time.

I found out that the Casualty Assistance Office can do some research with a name, birthday, and SSN as their computer system is the same one used by the NPRC. With that information, they could have contacted the OK National Guard in OKC and had them look up my stepfather’s name to confirm service and honorable discharge. That is not counting the ways we could have confirmed it with a few phone calls had we known of a problem.

I contacted Mr. Joe Moore and told him I had already set up the after-the-burial honors through the VFW. I told him about my call to the Casualty Assistance Office. And I reiterated again about the lack of communication. Mr. Moore again said DD214, and I said this could have been done if Angela asked the right questions instead of being locked on one document. And he said they normally don’t have people with as much pull or knowledge as I do, which means they don’t care in my book. It is okay if you don’t know you’re being screwed over. Ask the right questions. Then you get answers. I suggest if you want military honors without having paperwork, take care of it yourself. Don’t let Moore’s do it for you because you may be disappointed when it doesn’t happen.